the silent treatment

misunderstandings are bound to happen. sometimes i just wish i could understand the misunderstandings

i generally got on well with the anaesthetists and this one was no exception, despite a slightly rocky beginning. in fact after that i actually looked forward to working with her. the atmosphere in theater would be light and jovial and we would exchange jokes and laughs. then a time passed when we just ended up not working together. the lists just happened to be dealt in that way. so when i saw her in the theater complex after this time i thought i should say hello. it seemed to polite thing to do.

she was chatting with one of her colleagues. i walked up and waited for a lull in their conversation. her colleague, also someone i knew well, turned to me and greeted me with a broad smile. we shook hands. then i turned to her to greet her. she turned around and walked away. i was quite surprised, but assumed she had something on her mind and let it slide.

the next time i saw her, once again i approached to greet her, but as soon as she saw me she made a speedy exit. i realised there was some or other problem that she had with me, but i didn't know what it could be. after that there were a few more similar incidents that left me in no doubt she didn't want to speak to me at all.

then we were allocated to each other for a list. she could not run from me. yet somehow she managed to avoid all human interaction with me for the duration of the list. she did her work and pretty much ignored me totally. by this time the situation was no more than an irritation to me. my feeling was that if she had something against me she should discuss it with me and if she didn't want to then i pretty much couldn't be bothered with her childish behaviour. i ended up ignoring her in equal measure.

then one of those cases that age both the surgeon and the anaesthetist came in. i was the surgeon on call and she was the anaesthetist on call. once again we were thrown together. but during these cases there has to be at least a little bit of contact between the cutter and the gasser, yet she still absolutely avoided speaking to me. while we were busy we were both so involved in our relevant roles in trying to keep the patient alive that the silence between us was at least not awkward. as it became clear that we were at least going to get the patient off the table and into icu i asked her a few questions pertaining to the stability of the patient, but i made sure i kept it business-like. she answered only as much as she was required to. it didn't bother me. the life of the patient was more important than whatever the misunderstanding she had with me.

when a patient is taken to icu while still ventilated, both the surgeon and the anaesthetist would accompany the patient together and this was no exception. and so it transpired that we ended up in the lift together with the patient. i looked at the anaesthetist. i could see her nerves were frayed. the case had been a nightmare and she had done well to keep the guy alive while i did my best to patch him up. i reflected that her efforts to ignore me must have made the whole experience even worse. i felt for her.

"well done. i really couldn't have done this without you excellent handling of the anaesthetic. thank you" i really meant it. despite whatever her problem with me was, she deserved a compliment for a job well done and i was not about to withhold it from her. that, to me, would be worse than what she was doing by ignoring me the way she was. i could see her shoulders drop as the pent up tension seeped out. she even smiled a bit, but still said nothing. it was ok. i didn't need her to.

some time after that we did a list together again and she started speaking to me. i involved myself in whatever conversation she initiated, but i remained cautious. after all i still had no idea what the episode of silence had been about and our relationship was pretty much destroyed, so i kept things fairly superficial. but i must admit i was glad that she had finally started getting over her offence. things went on pretty much like this for a while. we were civil with each other but we were not close by any stretch of the imagination.

then about a week later we ended up in theater together again. i was chatting merrily away with my assistant as is my habit during surgery and occasionally the anaesthetist would join in the conversation. things were almost back to normal. then i made one of my standard fairly weak bongi jokes. i can't seem to help myself. she turned to me.

"careful what you say, bongi, i have only just started speaking to you again after nearly a year. you don't want to mess it up." this was the first time she had acknowledged any such thing which could be seen as a breakthrough i suppose, but i was immediately annoyed. i felt that she shouldn't think her opinion of me would in any way affect who i was and how i interacted with people, especially when she thought she was punishing me with her silence. i was not impressed.

"yes i noticed something like that." i replied. "i still have no idea what all that was about."

"you know exactly what it was about." she said, almost accusingly.

"sorry to burst your pretty little bubble, but i have no idea what it was that you took offence at and quite frankly i don't really want to know."

fortunately after that she finished her specialisation and went on her way. i knew we would never work together again and, all things considered, it was probably for the best.

rumours

as i've already said, the small community of registrars in pretoria tended to lend itself to gossip. i had been the brunt of rumours and rumours of rumours a number of times so generally i just ignored juicy stories about other people, especially if they were friends.

and this was what i did when rumours started doing the rounds about one of the registrars of urology. she was an enigmatic girl with a fast mouth and a vibrant personality. i counted her as a friend. so when someone let slip that she was having an affair with a registrar from another discipline i quickly said i was not interested in even listening to these stories. people stopped polluting my ears with this foul gossip.

then one day someone came up to me.
"bongi what's this i hear about you?" i was willing to at least hear the gossip about myself.
"what? you tell me." i asked.
"well you know the stories about e of urology having an affair? is it true that that affair is in fact with you?" i had to laugh. i denied it without too much fanfare. then i went looking for my urological colleague.

i only ran into her a few days later. we greeted each other with our usual enthusiasm and then i asked.
"i really need to ask you something," i said with a smile. "i heard a rumour that you and i are having an affair. is it true?" her face broke into a smile when she answered;
"oh i really hope so!"

who could blame her?

gossip

the community of registrars in a university like pretoria is small. a small community is nice, but it is always important to remember whatever you say will probably find it's way back to the person you are gossiping about.

i was rotating through orthopaedics. rotation generally is not too much fun and ortho was no exception. finally they allowed me to operate. they put together a list of wound inspections and secondary closures and the like, claiming they would handle the ward and clinic (later i found out they used the opportunity to take an early day and go and play golf). anyway, there i found myself all on my lonesome, closing some wound on a forearm in the company of a green anaesthetist that i'd never met before. i tried to be friendly and i thought it was working. i was making small talk and stupid jokes. the gas monkey was even laughing.

then i approached the end of the operation. i placed the last stitch and asked for a plaster. the anaesthetist looked up with an expression of surprise on her face.
"are you finished?" she asked.
"yes"
"you didn't tell me you were almost finished!" she complained.
"sorry." it seemed like the right thing to say, but it didn't work. she really let me have it between frantic exaggerated turning down of the vapours and drawing up of reversal. i listened to her tirade for a while but it quickly bored me. i walked out to the scrub room to wash my hands.

there i removed my mask, adjusted the cap on my head slightly up and washed my hands. afterwards i slowly walked back into theater. the anaesthetist looked straight at me.
"can you believe it?" she said
"believe what?" i replied.
"the bloody surgeon!" i wondered what surgeon she was complaining about now. by this time i had figured our that she was not overly fond of surgeons. i decided to listen patiently to her tirade.
"who and what did he do?"
"the surgeon who was just here! he didn't tell me he was finished and then he just left me with this sleeping patient!"

it took me a moment, but i realised she didn't recognise me with my mask off and my cap donned slightly differently. i considered drawing the situation out but truth be told, at that stage i just couldn't be bothered any more.
"i said i'm sorry. what more can i say?" i said in a pseudo-annoyed voice. she looked at me with a blank expression. then suddenly she went bright red. i smiled broadly.
"pleased to meet you. i'm dr bongi."

yes there will always be people bad mouthing you, but, if i could be so bold as to suggest, do not gossip directly to the subject of your gossip. it just makes you look foolish.